Far From Serene
I’m glad Valentine’s Day ended on a positive note for me this year. Unlike the year before, I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year. Had no negative feelings about it though. Instead, I just went right to bed as soon as I got home. Weird huh? Heh, I am rather proud of myself for that too ;p
However, after all the Valentine commercialization shiz. For some reason, my heart plummeted from it’s position from the top right of my chest down to my toes. I was shock at first but I don’t know, I began to feel uneasy in my guts, like something is going to go wrong…it was like, as if someone or something was holding onto my heart in a viselike grip. Tightening every second, threatening to burst it.
I felt so anxious about it that I even refused, REFUSED to go to classes on Friday. I can remember the feeling well, like something was biting at my under-skin making me itch to scratch my hands off.
Just remembering the feeling is making me nauseous all over again.
Could this be the aftermath of having positive energy on Valentine’s Day even though I was quite happy being single? Or has it something to do with my health condition? I was never a healthy person, always falling sick and ending up in the hospital when I was just a child. And recently I even found out that I had that…I’m surprised that I have lived till now. I’m lucky indeed hahahahaha.
Even so, because of my anxious feeling, I’ve started to delve into my negativity again. My negativity is still at a moderate level though. But I don’t know how long I can keep it that way. Sadly, I have no one I can talk to about this. I don’t want to tell my parents and I don’t want to tell my friends’ either. In actuality, I can’t seem to find it in me to trust anyone about my deepest darkest secrets.
Can I trust you?
What am I asking? You don’t even know me and I don’t know you. It’s because you’re all anonymous strangers that I’m even writing these down.
Pink Drink
Somehow, I feel a mutual relationship with this picture. Alone, the drink stands, without another to accompany it. Drinking alone without company. As if afraid to be alone, afraid to open up to others. Afraid of being afraid.
And with a last toast, I toast to the darkness surrounding my anxious heart, body, and mind.
