TUB-R.Com

“Since you want it so much, we’ll get that for your birthday la.“

“OMG, REALLY?!“

“Yes, really.“

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

That was in April 2008. It’s now August 2008. Four months have passed since my 21st birthday came and past. And the taste of that empty promise is overwhelmingly bitter. At the time, I was too excited to realize that the item I wanted from them was just the figment of my imagination. The reality of it was just something they could afford if they bought it jointly but didn’t want to afford.

I should have seen the signs. The reluctance in their voices, expressions, and body language. But of course, being the human that I am, I made myself block that out of my mind. Truth to be said, I didn’t even push them into buying it for me. I just happened to mention that I wanted it when they happened to have wanted to go out that day to buy my birthday present for me.

In fact, I didn’t even insist that they buy it for me (well, not that much anyway). I don’t remember going around screaming about me wanting that item. I gave them space, I gave them time, I gave them the choice. But too much is too much when they NEVER PLANNED TO BUY IT FOR ME but PROMISED ME ANYWAY.

How would I know this? I know this for a fact when they mentioned that they ASSUMED that I had forgotten about it. They ASSUMED that with enough time, I would forget about it and then they didn’t have to buy it for me. That’s just ironic because I have NEVER stopped thinking about it. I think about it every single day, whenever I’m on the computer, or drawing, or scanning, or anything to do with my creative side of the brain.

Do you know the feeling of having promises made to you, dashed? Killed? Massacred? I guess everybody does. It’s like a child whose mother promised to love him forever and the next day find his mother trying to kill him because she can’t stand the sight of looking at him.

I think I have gone past the point of trust. I used to trust people a lot. That was when I was just a child, and then something happened to make me trust only my family. I remembered having shitloads of friends. But on that fateful day when I was but Standard 5 (aged 11), the friends I thought were my friends, betrayed me. They were friends who promised to be my friends, until of course, they were bought off by one of the girls in class who never liked me although we were friends. They were bought off by COLORED pens, of all things!! And with the pens, they agreed not to be my friends, to shun and ignore me, to be HER friends, to insult and make my life miserable.

And now, I’m back to that stage again…I know for sure that I cannot trust them again. I know it’s a small thing to be mad about. But it’s the principle of a thing. I may not be a child anymore but I still have my childish insecurities at times. I guess that makes me like everyone else in the world, huh?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

To trust someone is to be ready to feel the hurt of having the trust shatter.

To promise someone is to have enough responsibility to fulfill the promise.