Thinking Under Bizarre Reasonings

…that make up the lives of many.

Ever noticed the small things that happen around you that may or may not have any influence on your world?

Sadly, many people either give too much thought on it or non at all.

And I can surely say that I myself am not fully aware of the tiniest thing that goes on around me. In fact, one might say I simply do not want to see even the tiniest of things that I have no control of.

I for one, am a control freak. I prefer not to be told what to do. I’d prefer to have the upper hand. But in life, there’s no such thing as forever having the upper hand. But I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about what we ourselves don’t see nor acknowledge. And that’s the topic I have in mind tonight. Well, not really. I haven’t exactly collected my thoughts yet. But once I do, you can be sure that I’d be out with it.

Basically, the whole point of this topic is to say that, instead on focusing on myself too much, I’d like to focus on other things. Not so much me than others. So this is a afore note mentioning that in the next posts for the rest of the year, it would be more reflecting than actual rantings of “my life”.

I find myself talking round and round in circles lately and I feel that it’s beginning to get rather annoying. I guess a change in what I write will make up for a lot of things that I’m not going too deeply into.

Do you know what are forced dreams?

I don’t know either. But to tell you the truth, there’s no such thing. I just happened to made it up when I wanted to blog today.

Would you like to know what are forced dreams? I would like to know too. So let me make it simple.

Forced dreams are dreams that you force yourself to dream about.

It’s that simple.

Have you ever had those kind of dreams?

It’s the kind of dream that you had really want to dream about subconsciously, so you force yourself to dream about it hoping that when you are in the REM sleep mode, you’d actually dream about it.

I’ve had many of those kind of dreams before. I make myself think of something, someone, or someplace and hope that I will eventually dream about it the whole night. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s a good technique for when you have been having nightmares lately.

In the past, when I was just a wee child, I had a really weird dream. In the dream, I was somewhere when something started to chase me. It was a boulder of some sort. You know, the kind of boulders you MIGHT encounter if you were in an ancient tomb and happen to have stepped on a trap, releasing a round ball than comes after you in a narrow corridor? That’s the one I’m talking about.

So it chased me on and on and on without fail, of all the luck, that boulder happens to be a target boulder. It has the ability to target it’s prey.

The dream went on all throughout the night. And when I woke up, I only remembered some of it. I only remembered being chased. Can’t remember where I was chased from

After that dream, I tried many times to force myself to dream it again, because for some reason, I must be sadistic!!

I happen to like the dream! Surprising? I think not.

If I were to analyze my dream, I would say that deep in my subconsciousness, I wanted to be chased. I wanted someone to chase me and never wanted to let me off their radar. Sadistic? Not really. Longing? Perhaps. I’m not a certified dream analyst. So I can’t really say for sure. But I bet Freud would have a field day if he was alive and read about my dreams

Perhaps you’ve had a forced dream before? Maybe you want to share it? Don’t be shy

I wonder hows it feel like to be in true fairytale dream.

A dream so unrealistically sweet and romantic that you’d feel like puking at the very thought.

I had a dream last night. A dream like no other. A dream with a happy ending so very unlike the dreams I’ve had in the past involving the unfortunate pregnant woman.

For a moment, in my dream, I was the main character, with no worries in the world. Living a serenely free and happy world. Nary a worry in sight. Beside me, my knight in shining armor standing over me. Protecting me from all the evil elements. Becoming the pillar beside my wall. To keep me protected and standing tall.

Oh what a beautiful dream it was. The sun was shining, the flowers blooming, birds singing, butterflies fluttering about. Spring was in the air that day. Oh aye, what a beautiful dream it was…

Nothing really significant happens in this dream of mine. It was one of those dreams that nothing happens. Like an artist painting a beautiful canvas. Still life.

As I am writing typing this, I am also watching a somewhat old Korean drama. “Goong”. Not as fairytale as I would have imagined. But it has a prince as well. I guess watching Goong these past few days have made me dreaming fool.

Indeed. I don’t deny that I’d love to have a “happily ever after” story of my own. But in this time and age, I doubt I’ll ever find that ending. Perhaps I will, but the future is very uncertain. But I can hope…can I not?

I guess I would need to add in another category to put this in. After all, I’ve been somewhat in a dream-like state these days…oh well…

No topic today. Just wanted an outlet to rant my heart out.

Wait…wait..I think it’s coming to me…a topic!

Hold on…it’s coming…coming…GONE!

Was too busy typing that I forgot what I wanted the topic to be.

Obama is now officially the first black president of the United States of America.

Just randomly throwing a fact into this post. I didn’t hear it over CNN nor radio nor TV nor the papers. I heard it from a friend.

I don’t really read the newspapers nor watch the news anymore.

Just too much fucked up things happening in the world these days. That is not to lump together with Malaysian politics of course.

I don’t know much about politics at all really, so I can’t talk intelligently about them. I guess if I were to want to know more, I’d have to read the papers again someday.

Really though, all these mindless rants are just nothing but an excuse for me to post here today.

I don’t really blog anymore.

What’s the point.

I’m bored.

And theres nothing I’m currently interested in posting about nowadays.

But because I have internet friends concerned about where I have been these days, I have posted another post after yesterday’s post.

But I guess, this post, like yesterday’s doesn’t really say what I’ve been doing lately and where I have gone to.

It doesn’t really matter because everyday is the same old same old.

Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting.

Maybe I will post again tomorrow.

Maybe I will stick to blogging.

Maybe I say maybe too much.

Maybe…

How hard is it to make a life decision?

Indeed, how hard can it be?

Isn’t it a matter of choosing the best possible solution to benefit oneself?

Isn’t it?

Perhaps.

But it’s easier said than done.

Shouldn’t the decisions you have to make involve only you?

I wished it were true.

But it isn’t.

Most decisions made in life have, if not direct, indirect aftereffects trust upon those affected by the decision made.

This is especially so if you happened to have made a BAD decision.

If it had been a GOOD decision, those involved would more often than not, not recognized it.

Theres a definite unfairness to it. But heck, life’s unfair…

To stay the way I am, or to go on a diet and exercise frenzy? (Mother’s request)

I like the way I look right now, but mom has already spent a fortune on a gym membership on me.

Decision made with pressure.

I’d like to live in a slow-paced life, but to live luxuriously, I’d have to have the means.

Since I don’t have the means, I’d have to live a fast-paced life until I have the means. And I have to consider the welfare of my family before my own.

Again, another decision made.

Surprisingly, the decisions made so far are rather easy as I’m looking at it from a third person view.

I know making decisions are a necessity in life.

I concur.

But I’d like to make a decision…just for me, and affects only me sometimes.

I’d like to be selfish too.

I can.

Right?