TUB-R.Com

So okay, lately, I haven’t been blogging about anything worth mentioning about to others. And sad to say, I feel that my blog has gone off its’ course and happen to be spiraling downwards in a plane-crash mode.

Perhaps I’ve been a little confuse as to who I am and what I should be doing. Indeed, the thought of just going out and doing something is making me sweat. Not the kind where you stand under the hot sun and start sweating. But the cold kind where you know you’re afraid. Afraid that you aren’t able to perform the task properly, afraid of what others’ might think of you. Afraid of what it means just to take the 1st step.

That, I must confess, is the kind of sweat I’m experiencing right now.

That too applies online. I can’t seem to blog about what I want to say as I’m afraid that the law might find me and put me away. And then I start thinking about what people might say about my blog, and how they would respond to it and what I would do in response to that.

To be honest, I’ve never been brave about almost everything in my life. In fact, I’m quite the coward. Willingly follow what others do, last to be daring, and 1st to dodge any rampaging problems coming at me. But is that so bad? I wonder. Even now, I’ve no idea as to why I am such a coward. Does it have something to do with the past? My genes? Or is it merely a defense mechanism? I wonder…

Perhaps, I should reevaluate myself. My being. The mysteries that is me. Perhaps then, I’ll be able to find the answer to my questions, the brave that was in me but now gone. Maybe then that I could finally come out into the open and look into a stranger’s face and not look away immediately. A braver me.