TUB-R.Com

Sums up what I really have to say.

I keep finding myself looking for new inspiration and making new blogs trying to fulfill that inspiration. Unfortunately, it wasn’t really working that well for me.

All I can say is, it was a really bad idea in the 1st place to try and make more than 1 blog. So I’ll be trying my hardest to maintain the 2 top blogs that I’m truly interested in. This is one of them and another one with a friend.

These are the basic blogs I will hang on to. More so now that I’ll be beginning a whole new life away from Malaysia. I’d say that it’ll be quite interesting to live a new life away from home and trying to settle down in a different country.

I’ve never really lived away from my family before. This would be the 1st time…no, 2nd time I’ll be living away from them.

The 1st time was when I lived in the KTAR campus in setapak. I only stayed there for about 1 semester before running back to my family again. Seems to me that I’m just not as independent as I thought I should have been at my age. Even now, I’m living under my parents’ roof, using my parents’ money, eating my parents’ food, and etc.

Some people have asked me why I haven’t been out looking for a job. Honestly, I was afraid. The 1st interview I went to was a disaster! Not only did I go for the 1st interview, I went for a 2nd thinking I’ll be getting the job. The truth was, they FORGOT that they had interviewed me at all! Not only that, to reject me, they suggested I look into another line of job…a week after that, they called me again asking me to go for a 3rd interview!! You guessed right, they forgot that I had went for 2 interviews with them.

They were inefficient and incapable in my opinion. Because of them, my self-esteem plummeted to the lowest.

It’s been close to 6 months now that I’ve been stuck at home. 6 months of just sitting at home and brushing my digital art skills when I should be out and about working and bringing back some moolah.

So now, I’m finally going back to study again. This time, I won’t have my family to fall back on when I need them. I’ll have to learn to be independent and hopefully, find a good job to bring home the bread and ease my father’s responsibility to me and my siblings.

For that, I’ll be archiving ALL my old posts and starting from the beginning again before the new year is up.

Tears are streaming down my face as I write this.

3 nights ago, my father was admitted into the hospital due to a whole week of fever and no end in sight. 2 nights ago, the doctor suspected it of being H1N1. And today, according to my mother, the doctor looked at his xrays and confirmed it to be pneumonia.

Currently, doctors are saying that if my dad loses anymore oxygen, it will become a problem.

For the whole day, I found myself crying, fighting off tears and trying to be brave in front of my siblings.

Relatives have been calling all day asking for more details and even telling me of ways to pray for my father. I did them all.

I prayed, I cried, I ranted, and I prayed again. My only wish is that my father becomes well again and to come back home. I miss his antics now that he’s been hospitalized.

I think of nothing but my father today. I tried to do some work to keep from thinking the worst, but the image of my father needing the help of machines to provide him with oxygen…is just heartwrenching. My heart broke many times today.

Every time I find myself alone, I break down in tears.

I tried my best not cry in front of my mother when she got back from the hospital. She looked tired. She even had to talk to the relatives that came over tonight. I couldn’t do a thing. I was afraid I’d cry in front of everyone when they talked about how it came to this point.

I’m afraid for tonight. I keep praying that my dad gets all the oxygen he needs and gets past tonight with flying colors.

I’m afraid of the future without my dad. My family is silent tonight. Everyone afraid to speak. Everyone is locked in their own thoughts.

Oh lord, please spare my father, we need him. He is the root that supports us and the string that ties us together. He is our life. Please spare him and give us decades more together. I beg of thee. Do not take him away.

I’m currently down with a bad case of fever a day after my convocation last Sunday which means I got my fever on Monday yesterday. It seriously sucks to be me ;_; previously, I had a fever right after my brother got sick. And today, I’m having a fever because my dad had it. My dad just left to go to the hospital for a checkup in case it’s H1N1 (yes, he has some symptoms). I hope it’s NOT though Dx

Right now, I’m feeling a bit better since its’ morning. My fever usually becomes worse at night. So I’m happy it’s morning now.

Will be getting my graduation portrait done later in the afternoon. I hope it comes out better than it did last Sunday as I had to wear a huge jacket underneath…which made me look FREAKING HUGE, well, bigger than I am, that is…!!

Bah! Anyways, gonna go work on my photoshop stuffs before i have to go out.