Today was a very bad day indeed, for me. Whoever said third time’s a charm must be a fool.

Not only was I not able to go to the cosplay competition, I also started saying bad things about somebody’s parents to their daughter, had a petty argument with my brother, and went on a pouting session on my mom.

That’s 3 strikes and now, I’m out of the game…

.~*~.

I know it’s terrible to badmouth someone’s parents, but I was really pissed off because these parents has given me reason not to put ANY hope on promises from now on. So heres the deal, their daughter, WL and I decided we were gonna go to the cosplay competition today for laughs and for experience. Of course, we had this planned ahead. However, only yesterday night did she MSN me telling me “Hey, my father damn stubborn, he say wanna take my mom shopping and only take me back when finish, around 5 something…” hello?! The competition ends at 6.30 pm! It’ll be over by the time she gets back and we went to the competition! Not to mention, she told me she had pestered her dad for a whole day and he stood by that conviction.

Bleh, in my mind, I know my anger is for nothing. But heck, when a promise or a decision is made, one should stand by that responsibility and see it through. I mean, isn’t that what parents should be teaching their children? To honor a promise, to keep by their decisions? I know my parents did. So how is it different with other parents? Sometimes I wonder where she got her lack of common sense from and it just makes you wonder if family background has anything to do with it. But enough about her. I can see myself not communicating with her for the next couple of days or so. But that’s hard to say since we DO work together
in the same tiny office and WILL eventually HAVE to talk to each other.

.~*~.

After figuring that I wouldn’t be going out with WL, I went downstairs to ask my brother to take me to the competition and go along with me. Which was a good idea at the time… He however, did not think so, he basically ignored me and continued playing his PSP while I kept “PLEASEEEEEEEE!!!” -ing him. To no avail, he continued to ignore me. However, as the day went by, when my sister was about to go to tuition, my mom told her to follow the driver instead of making my brother take her. Needless to say, my brother was gleeful at the thought of not taking my sister to her tuition for one round (my sister has 3 tuition classes on Sundays, so that makes my brother driver for to and fro, 6 times). My sister not happy (because she has to give directions to the driver), looked at my brother and said ONE “please“. ONLY ONE PLEASE AND HE BLOODY RELENTED!! How unfair is THAT?! Just because I am the older sister, he chose to ignore my pleas…and I RARELY ask him to take me ANYWHERE!! This is a case of favoritism!! And I protest!! He of course protested to my mom that where I wanted to go was boring and a waste of time. Yea, like taking my sister to tuition all day was all fun and games.

.~*~.

So here, my mom, she’s been sick for a few days now, poor mumsies. I know better than to ask her to take me there. Which of course, I didn’t, ask her, that is. However, protesting the unfairness of my brother towards me, she just shrugged it off and let it go. Now, what was that about? I know for a fact I have not been asking my mom for anything throughout this year, so why is she making it seemed like I was spoiled?! I even pay for myself carpooling in someone else’s car! Which I know, for a fact that my brother would whine about it and ask my mom to foot the bill. He’s spoiled rotten and broke. And for heaven’s sake, I’m the responsible and obedient child she’s got. So why can’t she for once, for ONCE! open a path for me? Did you know, she ADMITS that I’m her experiment child…which is totally sad because I thought she loved me…

.~*~.

And THAT, dear readers, was how I ended up on the bad side of everyone. All in ONE day, imagine that. So now, I’ve told my mom that whenever I wanted to go out, I’d just go. I wouldn’t bother asking anyone to go with me or take me there. I’d just leave.

Oh, I know they’d worry about me if I didn’t get back in time, I know they’d wonder where I went. But heck, enough is enough!! They have NEVER appreciated when I’m there, so why should I allow myself to waste the years I have left to them when I know it’s all a waste? Well, no more I say!! I will go out WHEN I want, and with WHOEVER I want.

“Since you want it so much, we’ll get that for your birthday la.“

“OMG, REALLY?!“

“Yes, really.“

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

That was in April 2008. It’s now August 2008. Four months have passed since my 21st birthday came and past. And the taste of that empty promise is overwhelmingly bitter. At the time, I was too excited to realize that the item I wanted from them was just the figment of my imagination. The reality of it was just something they could afford if they bought it jointly but didn’t want to afford.

I should have seen the signs. The reluctance in their voices, expressions, and body language. But of course, being the human that I am, I made myself block that out of my mind. Truth to be said, I didn’t even push them into buying it for me. I just happened to mention that I wanted it when they happened to have wanted to go out that day to buy my birthday present for me.

In fact, I didn’t even insist that they buy it for me (well, not that much anyway). I don’t remember going around screaming about me wanting that item. I gave them space, I gave them time, I gave them the choice. But too much is too much when they NEVER PLANNED TO BUY IT FOR ME but PROMISED ME ANYWAY.

How would I know this? I know this for a fact when they mentioned that they ASSUMED that I had forgotten about it. They ASSUMED that with enough time, I would forget about it and then they didn’t have to buy it for me. That’s just ironic because I have NEVER stopped thinking about it. I think about it every single day, whenever I’m on the computer, or drawing, or scanning, or anything to do with my creative side of the brain.

Do you know the feeling of having promises made to you, dashed? Killed? Massacred? I guess everybody does. It’s like a child whose mother promised to love him forever and the next day find his mother trying to kill him because she can’t stand the sight of looking at him.

I think I have gone past the point of trust. I used to trust people a lot. That was when I was just a child, and then something happened to make me trust only my family. I remembered having shitloads of friends. But on that fateful day when I was but Standard 5 (aged 11), the friends I thought were my friends, betrayed me. They were friends who promised to be my friends, until of course, they were bought off by one of the girls in class who never liked me although we were friends. They were bought off by COLORED pens, of all things!! And with the pens, they agreed not to be my friends, to shun and ignore me, to be HER friends, to insult and make my life miserable.

And now, I’m back to that stage again…I know for sure that I cannot trust them again. I know it’s a small thing to be mad about. But it’s the principle of a thing. I may not be a child anymore but I still have my childish insecurities at times. I guess that makes me like everyone else in the world, huh?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

To trust someone is to be ready to feel the hurt of having the trust shatter.

To promise someone is to have enough responsibility to fulfill the promise.

Yesterday, Liru, Kogi, Chan Wai, and I went on a spontaneous trip to One Utama with our tutor to watch any movie. Yes, at first, I thought it was some kind of joke as well since not many people would think to go out with their tutor. But of course, that’s what happened. We went out with our tutor

It was around 12.59pm when we got to the cinema and was choosing a movie. Looked we did until our tutor pointed out Water Horse. We didn’t mind any movie as long as it was a movie so we went with that. However, I did learn something new that day. Chan Wai is afraid of watching Horror movies! Bruhahahahaha!!! >=D

So I think it was after about 10 minutes later that we got our movie tickets (and Chan Wai hasn’t paid me back yet!!) and headed to the ATM machine to cash out money and head off to Wong Kok Char Chan Teng to have lunch. Poor Liru had some measely looking tempura kinda lunch (she just had her wisdom tooth taken out so she can’t eat much), Kogi and Chan Wai had the cheese rice dishes, and Ms. Karen and I had the spicy noodles (Yum!).

Believe it or not, we spent the whole time before the movie in the restaurant from 12.30pm right up to 3.45pm lol! We only left because we needed to go to the toilet and head off to the movies before the movie began at 4.15pm. Doesn’t mean the restaurant was all that good. It was just a place to kill time and while we try to finish our drinks.

We had a fun time in the restaurant though just talking and eating. But I’ve kinda forgotten what we talked about in the restaurant our conversation is strictly P and C only ! Oh what the heck, just look at the photos below

Ms. Karen and her delish looking spicy noodles

Liru, Ms. Karen, and Chan Wai
You’re too close Chan Wai!! Look at how Ms. Karen feels about you being so near!

Me and Kogi
We’re perfectly happy just posing for the cam

After that, we went trodding off to the nearest washroom while Chan Wai went to look for the Instrument store to get new drumsticks (which I thought he was talking about chicken drumsticks at first >_> ooops?).

P.S. May contain spoilers no matter how small it is! Read at your own risk.

Every big secret starts small…

But…how do you keep a secret this big?!

It was a very funny movie to say the least. And seriously, I think the 4 or 5 of us was laughing the loudest in the cinema but what the heck eh? If the movie is a funny movie, you should show it. And that’s what we did But I have to say…

THAT

is

one

fugly-looking

adult 

Water

Horse!

He looks way better in the night compared to when it’s exposed to daylight. The funny thing was, while watching the movie, Kogi and I were saying very funny comments such as applying Psychology to the movie o_O!! For example when they shot the cannon for the first time and how Crusoe attacked Angus, I said it was because Crusoe had encountered a traumatic experience with which Kogi replied in a laughing way, “he got PTSD, ha”!

Another example was when Angus acknowledged that his dad wasn’t coming home. I said that before that, he was in denial, and now he has ultimately reached acceptance. Both of that is 2 of the stages of grief.

So you see, being psychology students that we are, we can’t help but apply the newly gained knowledge we have on everyday life and even in movies!! We’re unique, special, eccentric, and funny that way So after the movie, before leaving the comfortable seats in the cinema, we took a couple more pictures to store in our memory of that day.

Cheese~!

Peace!

Now that the evidence pictures are in, I’ll be saying bye-bee again since that’s the end of today’s blogging and there just isn’t anymore. Memories are meant to be memories and to prevent myself from forgetting it, this memory will be stored here for years to come.

BYE-BEE! 

PTSD also known as Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

This is another video made by my group for a second presentation this semester for our Abnormal Psychology class.

It’s really all about how someone can get PTSD and how it can affect the person having it.

Enjoy the video because we certainly enjoyed making it.

*cough* I know I look extra humungously fat in the video but hey, I’ve been eating a whole shitload recently due to stress so I’m excused gonna go back on a diet as soon as my finals are over ;) *cough*

Credits

Actors/Actresses

Main Girl : Liru
Main Guy : Chan Wai
Bystander : Woan Ling
Friend #1 : Jessica
Friend #2 : Woan Ling

Places

Jessica’s Neighborhood
Liru’s Home (Maybe?)
UTAR’s Random Classroom

This is a video made by my group members. I was the person directing it. It’s really funny and sad at the same time.

Funny when my team members were doing the acting.

Sad when you start to realize that there are children out there suffering thanks to their inconsiderate parents.

Don’t get married if you think it’s just going to end. And don’t let your child suffer the pains of your decisions.

Credits

Actors/Actresses

Main Girl : Joanne
Main Guy : Chan Wai
Baby : Garfield Doll
Sad Little Girl : Liru’s Cousin

Places

Jaya One
Jessica’s Upstairs Hall
Jessica’s Garden and Garage

Do you really understand the people around you?

Are they who you think they really are on the inside?

Do you really know how they perceive the world?

Are they really your friend?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I’m sure not all of us know the answers to these mind boggling questions, no? I sure as heck don’t. Many of us go through life afraid to be alone, unable to live in a world independently without a friend, or a spouse by their side. To me, this reality is a sad reality.

It’s true, we can’t all live alone. Imagine, of you were the only one in the world, who is going to farm your vegetables, grow your livery stocks, provide you medical care, make a house for you, cook for you, or even give you a legacy (meaning sex and kids)? No one obviously.

So anyway, I was digging around my hotmail account (I don’t use my hotmail email, I prefer gmail ) and found some reminder about my friend creating a blog on Friendster. So I decided, hey, I should have a look and see what she wrote since she’s not a blog person.

What I saw there was something surprising…to me, that is. In there, she was talking about how sad she was about the guy she was with a while ago. About how much she loved him but he only saw her as one of the girls he conquered. Yes, what a jerk! Anyway, she has never emotionally expressed herself, I also knew she was sad and even cried. What I didn’t know was that she wasn’t able to get over him…I myself am not a person to express myself emotionally on the outside despite some failures. So I wasn’t sure I could help her.

The point is! It’s like I don’t understand the people around me even though I have known them for years…does everyone experience this? Or am I the only odd one out? Does this mean I am the last person people would call a friend? Does this mean I lack the potential to read a person? Meaning I don’t have what it takes to be a psychologist? Unfit to live in a society filled with people?!

TELL ME!!!

I heard your voice…but I was unable to listen to what’s in your words…

I have finally, yes, finally, decided to not care anymore.

Surprising indeed. I usually would just keep it up for at least a month. But I guess, I decided, a month is just too much time to waste bothering.

Today, I don’t know what happened, but it happened. The left side of my body felt like it got pierced by thousands of needles. Not the acupuncture kinda needles but the sewing needles kinda needles. It certainly hurt like hell on hell on earth. That’s twice the hellish moment, mind you.

After that, during the evening in class, again, the left side of my body was acting up again. This time, it turned numb. Well, it could have been that it was because I was leaning on my arms but hey, my right arm felt perfectly fine. I could barely feel my fingers and when I touched my left hand to my cheek, it was freezing cold whereas my right hand was warm. Did I mention that the air-conditioner was located on my right? Weird huh?

Another weird thing I noticed today was the fact that walking back home today was especially difficult. I usually am able to walk up the hill before panting from lack of air in my lungs (that comes from lack of exercise ), today however, I was already exhausted before even reaching the main road!

What is going wrong with this sickly body of mine? I know that you’re signaling for me to start doing something about you. But I am already walking to and fro from house to university and back to the house again. The concept “one small step eventually becomes a huge step” applies here you know. So please be patient with me. Don’t die out on me yet, I am trying my best.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I’m sure a lot of people have noticed by now that I’ve been having lots of mood swings lately. I know that I have it too. But apparently I can’t seem to get out of this mood. Not that I don’t want to but I can’t help it when I’m in pain. Perhaps I should get some painkillers to help ease the pain?

But then again, I shouldn’t, I don’t want to get an addiction to it. I used to have a mini obsession for Panadols. So I better not.

I tell you, I hate it when there’s something that can be done but all of a sudden without notice, nobody does it, even after deciding upon it. I TRULY hate it. Dai kirai!!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I wonder, am I a hard person to get along with? I think I am. In fact, I think I’m an impossible person to get along with. I hate that about myself so I try to change. But after I change, I despise myself because I’m not being myself at all. In fact, I change to conform and I do not like that idea of conformity.

*Bangs into wall*

I guess like that wall, I should just be myself, without any pretense and forever unmoving. Just stay strong and stick to what I believe. Anyway, I’m super exhausted now since I was awake last night rushing my final year project proposal. So now I’m off to sleep and up early tomorrow for a wedding before back to work again on assignments.

Good night!

I’m so angry today :x I feel like stabbing someone in the front, dig out their heart and then smash it under my feet.

Yes, I’m that insanely angry. Why?

First of all, my nails. Whenever I stare at my nails, I feel ugly as hell. Not because it’s ugly but also because the painting is uneven thanks to the failure of a nail polish a certain someone gave me. That nail polish needs to be reported in to quality control because, believe me, that one has NO quality whatsoever.

Secondly, my assignments. I haven’t finished my thesis proposal and then we haven’t even begun any of the assignments. And then all of a sudden, from funeral business, we’re to change to event planner thanks to two certain someone who decided we should just do that without even discussing. Since the assignment is about creativity, event planner is just a fucking BORE.

Third, my bodily condition is worsening. Today, I felt an immense pain during class. I tried my very best to hide the pain because nobody realized anything. Thank goodness. I don’t know how long I have since I have stopped going for body checkups due to immense mental disappointment. But I feel that my life will continue to spiral downwards what with my being insensitive to my body’s needs and health.

Lastly, I’m just so pissing angry because of nothing and everything. I think too much about stuffs irrelevant to me and I also think too deeply into things that aren’t meant to be thought deeply about. I’m bringing myself misery by just thinking and such.

People often ask me, “You’re always being too emo in your blog. Are you just doing it to get pity by letting your friends see it?” The answer is, no. Truth to be told. I have since stopped pinging my blog online. Not only that, I would only ask my friends to see my blog when there is something good/funny here. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even mention a thing.

I know for a fact that my peers do not read my blog unless urged to. So I have no worries that they will view my pathetic side. After all, what do they really know about me but the sarcastic/sometimes-funny side of me? Nothing. I rather they know nothing about it because it’s none of their business at all.

Are friends really your friends? Would they be your friends forever? I doubt that.

I have learned never to trust my friends to be true friends ever since I was in Primary school. It was a bitter lesson but a lesson well learned. I learned that “Friends can be bought” and in truth, I did want to believe that but the fact is, they can be bought.

Humans have many good traits such as honesty, modesty, kindness, gentle and so on and so forth. But they are also tied to the evil qualities such as dishonesty, greed, jealousy, gluttony, and all the bads.

To me, a friend is only a friend if I’ve known them at least 4 years without any such incidents that causes me to break ties with them. Any person who I’ve known less than that are considered nothing but strangers. Not worthy of my kindness, and goodwill. They deserve nothing but my sarcasm and hate. If they can get past this and still be my friend despite all my bad points, then there’s something to be said about their naive stupidity.

Anyway, after typing so much and just ranting, I feel much better now and sleepy too. So I’m logging off now to have a nap before I start my research proposal tonight. Bye.

A happy Chinese/Lunar New Year to each and everyone of you.

This may be a late greeting but a greeting non the less. I haven’t had the time or energy the past few days to post my greeting post due to my being in my grandparents house celebrating the New Year

A note to all who have received empty SMSes from me, I’m sorry. Why? Because my little nephews have been playing with my handphone and they have accidentally sent a few empty ones to some of my contacts. You know who you are

Anyway, how is everyone on this good/bad/stormy/fine day/night? I hope you’re all having a blast the past few days and will continue to do so for the whole year.

I’m doing fine myself. I even got a fair amount of RED packets (ang pau) from my parents, grandparents, and relatives. Lots have happened these first 4 days of the new year. Do you want to read about it? No? Too bad, my friend. It’s my blog so what I say, goes.

.~*~.~*~.~*~.

On the eve (Wednesday), we went back in the evening since my family had to do last minute decorating, cleaning, washing, and preparing before the year blows away with the stroke of twelve. After all the preparation, we all went to bath (individually, of course) and off we went to my grandparents house. Reaching there after about 20 minutes, we were greeted with the sight of a full house. It seems that everyone had arrived before us in the mood to celebrate. We were to!

What a lot of commotion my family makes. What with all the people grouping and chit chatting, the young people with the other young people, the older ones with the older ones and the little ones chasing each other. What a festive day indeed! Not to mention, everybody handed out and received their red packets on that day. I myself received a total of 10 that day myself

Approaching midnight, everybody started to get restless. Each and every one of us staring at the old grandfather clock which had seen us go through life, from infancy to adulthood. And when the hand strikes twelve and the clock started chiming, some of us looked out the window with index fingers hiding in our ears, the firecracker went off!

IT WAS SO LOUD THAT WE HAD TO SHOUT AT EACH OTHER TO BE HEARD OVER IT! EVEN THE KIDS GOT OVER THEIR FEARS TO TAKE IN THE NEW YEAR. AROUND THE HOUSE, FIREWORKS STARTED GOING OFF IN ALL COLORS. WHAT AN AMAZING SPECTACLE!!!!

And at last, the firecracker stopped making noise after it has coughed it’s last “CRACK!” With that, everyone started to say goodbye to my grandparents in preparation to go back to our own homes. As we stepped outside the house, we witnessed a BEAUTIFUL sight. A fireworks display was shown to us by neighbors where all sorts of different kind of fireworks lit up the night sky. Some were spinning, some split into a circle, some split into circles and split again after that. The fireworks went on for 15 minutes. And then we were off. Tired but happy we didn’t fall asleep before 12am (There’s this superstition that if we slept before 12am, our parents will have a shorter life span).

.~*~.~*~.~*~.

Thursday - The first day of New Year! My family (my parents, my siblings, and myself), I woke up the EARLIEST today thinking that we had to go off early thanks to my parents saying that we were going to go back to my grandparents house again at 8am something we woke up early to take a family picture in our newly renovated part of the building upstairs. We all even wore new clothes to usher in the new year. After the photo taking session, we started moving to go to my grandparents house and we are of course, LATE!

So rush we did. But nobody really cared that we were late because we don’t start our house visits until late in the afternoon since we are the host at my grandparents house in the morning until it’s our turn to go visiting the guests (extended relatives) who visited us earlier. We also had glue (it’s a kind of sticky food with mushroom, noodles, and some other sort of ingredients that I paid no heed to). My parents said that the glue was a sort of ultra-super-ultimate-forever-kinda glue that would stick the family together. A tight bond that will never break.

Our first day visiting was a TRULY HOT day. Just like every new year in previous years, it was smoldering hot. Only visited two houses (5th grand-auntie and 1st grand-auntie) on this day. But it was good since we only get to see the extended family during the new year I have to say, my grand-aunties still looked as old as ever

After the visits, we went home early without dinner at my grandparents house since my dad was already exhausted. But of course, as soon as we went home, we were to awake to sleep, even my dad! So we gambled (yes it’s a tradition to gamble during the new year ) and sadly, I lost my pants! a whole lot of money and that was it for the 1st day of new year.

While on our way home, on the road, just like last year, we saw a COBRA in the middle of the road! It was smaller than last year but a Cobra nontheless. My dad said that since last year was the year of the Pig, the snake had to be larger since the cobra needed to be bigger to tackle the pig lol. And this is the year of the Rat so a smaller cobra is sufficient

Not a bad day either since I received another 5 red packets today.

.~*~.~*~.~*~.

Friday - the 2nd day of new year is the busiest day like every other 2nd day of new year for my family since it’s the day where we go to all the houses we haven’t visited yet for the whole day! Altogether, we visited…mmm…6 houses (2nd uncle, 4th grandauntie, last grandauntie, my own house, 3rd grandauntie, 1st auntie)! We had 3 pit stops while visiting. The 2nd house where everyone had breakfast (satay!), the 4th house, which is my house for lunch (luckily my house is big or the family won’t be able to fit lol!), and the last house where we had dinner (KFC!! Yum!).

Received another 6 red packets today.

.~*~.~*~.~*~.

That’s about all I can about about the interesting days. Today wasn’t all that exciting since all I did was stay in my room to do my research proposal. Also, I watched Rush Hour 3 and My Super Ex-Girlfriend. And…that’s about it

Well, have a happy lunar new year everyone and may this year be a good one for you and myself

Good lord! It seemed like only last week that 2008 flew by and now we’re already into day 6 of February. Although it’s February and Chinese New Year is only 2 days away and Valentine’s Day is also coming up, sad to say however that my feelings of celebration has not come to surface at all this year.

I knew from the beginning that this year would be a busy year for me but I didn’t expect it to ruin my mood for me as well. These past few days, I have been slouching in front of my computer scratching my head to begin my research proposal for my Final Year Project. And right now, because of this proposal, I would have a holiday (although on the outside, it might appear that I have a WHOLE week of holiday, but on the inside, I’m actually working my butt off) of research to do.

Indeed, I have now, from busy mode, have turned myself into “UNAVAILABLE” for the rest of this year until I have successfully turned in my Final Year project. I’m sorry, to make it clear, “UNAVAILABLE” doesn’t only mean unavailable for boy-girl/man-woman relationships but also for family, peer, any kind of relationships. Which means, no movies, no shopping, no “hanging out”, no fooling around, no fun. It’s sad, I know. But it’s all for the sake of my future.

Well, I’m logging off now to return to my research proposal (only done the FIRST paragraph of the Introduction, pathetic! It’s progressing…slowly…). So bye-bee! I’ll post every few days or so to bring some misery *cackles*BRUAHAHAHAHA*twinkles evilly*.