I’ve been in love before, having crushed on someone before, had my heart broken before, cheated on someone before, and even fallen out of love before. So you wouldn’t say it’s strange to dream of my past loves. But wouldn’t you say it’s strange when you start dreaming of guys who you’ve never thought you had any attraction to before?
I do. I’ve never thought of him as anything other than a friend. In fact…I don’t think I’ve ever thought of him as a friend at all. As a classmate maybe, but not as a friend or anything more than that. I don’t even know if he even has a girlfriend LOL! But I assume he does, just not in plain sight.
The thing is, I have a personal preference of only dating guys who aren’t Asian. Don’t bother asking me why because I’m going to tell you why. Asian guys…they’re too skinny for me. I am a big person and I like guys who are well, almost equal to me, meaning that I can at least hold him without fear of breaking his all-so-fragile bones. Believe me when I say this, it’s also weird to see myself walking down the road hand in hand with a small guy next to my bigness…that’s a weird scene, seriously.
Although I’m a single person, I don’t feel bad for myself at all for not having anyone with me. Because I know that there is someone waiting for me on the other side of the world…we may not be able to physically be in contact, but I’m sure, one day, he’ll come looking for me. In fact, I have been in and out of love with that certain person. Yes, I’m STILL in and out of love with him LOL. I just hope he knows that or I would be the one sitting at his wedding looking jealously at his bride and feeling suicidal.
But to tell you the truth, I’m sure if we were to meet in the far future, I would still be in love with him, I don’t really know if it’s love…perhaps it can be said as…affection maybe…if it’s love, it will come in due time. Just not now. Right now? Right now I’m all well with going into a new relationship with any one guy I like. As long as both he and I can create an interesting relationship where we don’t end up like those typical couples who get together and just silently sit somewhere together, not talking, but just showing body language that “hey man, we’re together, can’t you see us sitting together?” like…right…
So back to this other person, I’ve been dreaming of him lately which is really strange. The first time I saw him in my dreams was hmm…last Wednesday. Yes, not that long ago was it. It’s not the romantic kind of dream mind you. It was more of horror.
I was walking alone by myself one day when I saw a group of people in front of me going up the escalator, they saw me and waved. I knew those people actually, they’re a group of 4, in the same tutorial group as mine but different team. There was K, KR, SK, and JQ. I didn’t know where they were headed so I followed them up the escalator. At the top of the escalator, I found myself distracted by a gift shop so I decided not to follow them and browse the shop, maybe buy something.
While looking at the little items on show, I saw from the corner of my eyes that JQ seemed to have abandoned his group of friends and came strolling into the shop. I didn’t make my presence known and just continued looking. So looked I did until I finally finished looking at every single thing in the shop.
There was nothing I wanted to buy and decided to just leave. I didn’t turn around to see if JQ was still there, but I know he was. Turning to my right as I left the shop, I noticed a newspaper stand next to the gift shop and turned towards there…and in front of me, plastered to the newspaper stand was a dead woman!
Her eyes were open in death - dilated and with red veins crisscrossing her eyeballs - and her body was stuck to the newspaper stand with duct tape or something holding her body up. I froze as I saw the body. What drew me to the dead woman was her eyes and for some reason, I kept staring at her eyes. Apparently, I stared a bit too long and like a gust of wind, her memories, knowledge, mind, started rushing into my brain, I saw what she saw and so on. At the end, the woman’s mind said something gibberish but halfway through, someone stood in front of me and hugged me really tight…
My eye contact with the dead woman was broken. Hugging the person holding on to me, I cried with all the sorrow in the world. After a long moment, I looked up and saw that the person hugging me, was JQ…
To the right of me, a person stood looking at me, apparently, he was a detective. He looked at me with this look that said he found me curious and a mite interesting and ask “you looked into her eyes too long didn’t you?” I nodded to his question. “Well honey, I’m afraid to say this but, if you had looked any longer than 10 minutes, you would have been cursed…but thanks to this boy here, you were saved from being cursed by her…”
And that was when I woke up. After that, the dreams were more or less the same with him sometimes in it. Maybe it’s a sign of something bad to come or something good but I know for sure that it’s probably nothing romantic. It’s probably an omen or something LOL! What a way to find an omen, huh?
Well, I hope these dreams will come to an end sooner or later, then I can just continue to live in my own world, looking out at the horizon, waiting.
! Oh what the heck, just look at the photos below 
yes, in the midst of terror in my heart, I still had the time to notice that those guys were cute, so sue me 
